I thought the first week was horrible, but the second week was worse. I felt groggy and irritable. I couldn't remember what I was doing from moment to moment. I felt as if everything was falling apart all around me.
This pissed me off.
I don't like being addicted to anything. I knew I was addicted to coffee, but since I was addicted, I kept telling myself it wasn't that bad. Everyone's doing it. But what coffee did to me after I gave it up made me realize that it had a much stronger hold on me than I had thought. There's a part of me that never wants to go through that again. There's another part that just wants a cup of coffee.
I'm giving myself a month to be off coffee, but I don't think I ever want to go back to my morning cup. I'd rather reserve it for special occasions, like a nice glass of red wine and some dark chocolate.
Which brings me to my break-up brownies.
Last week, since I knew I was going to give up everything I loved to eat, I decided to make a brownie that was full of forbidden fruits: chocolate, red wine, walnuts, raisins, baked goods. These little morsels got me through my break-up with coffee. I don't think I could have made it without them.
Granted, these babies aren't for the faint-hearted. They are heavy and rich and thick, and not even that sweet, since I wanted to taste all the food I was giving up in each bite. They're brownies with a purpose.
Red Wine Break-up Brownies
1 cup raisins3/4 cup red wine
1 cup white rice flour
1 cup sweet rice flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp xanthan gum
1/2 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup molasses
1/2 cup coconut oil
1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 tsp chia seeds
Heat red wine (do not boil) and pour over raisins. Let soak for about 10 minutes.
Combine the dry ingredients.
Mix the nectar, molasses and coconut oil in food processor until well blended. Stir into dry ingredients.
Pour the raisin-wine mixture into a food processor and blend until relatively smooth. Stir into brownie mixture.
Stir in the walnuts and chia seeds. If the mixture is clumpy and dry, add a little water or red wine to achieve a more spreadable consistency. Fold mixture into a 9x13 pan and bake on 350 for 45 minutes, or until inserted toothpick comes out clean.